Friday, September 01, 2006

Thoughts of Fruit - "The Orange"

"I was born in Seville. Growing up I had a tough time and was picked on at an early age. In my teens I got into the Goth scene and met some really nice friends. I now run an ice cream parlour in Brighton. I'm adventurous in the bedroom and am looking for an older rock star or high profile politician for quiet nights in."


The Great Debate 1: Meat or Veg?

Today's debate is 'meat or vegetables?' Lets rumble.


I am a carnivore, so are you, even if you think you aren't, or if you are vegetarian, you are a carnivore. Look at your teeth, this is proof. Yes humans are designed to eat meat, but we also are designed to eat vegetables too, look at your hands, this is proof. So, should we eat meat, or should we eat veg? Personally, I eat both although I always leave the meat till last as that is my favourite. I love to eat fat if it is soft and not chewy (I can't stand it when you swallow stringy fat and one bits goes down your throat and the other bit remains in your mouth.)


Meat is good for you as it is made from animals insides, we are animals too so it is good to put it inside us. That's why we don't eat fur, we wear it, and why we don't eat horns, we put them on our heads or round our necks, or have an ornate potato peeler with a carved bone handle, shaped like a Geisha.


Do vegetables have a place in our diet, or should they be the only constituent in our diet? I don't know. Vegetarians don't eat meat because they believe killing animals is wrong. This is hypocritical as vegetables are treated less humanly than animals, they are often grabbed by their hair and physically ripped out of the ground or are decapitated or are uprooted by a giant machine with a rotating spiky thing. They do not complain. Imagine if you will, the outrage if it were a field full of babies instead. A lot of people would argue that vegetables cannot feel pain or have feelings. I would not disagree with this.


A good point to consider is that the population of animals e.g. Chickens, pigs, cows, bison, are at an all time high (I expect) purely due to the fact that they are bred for food. This means they are less likely to become extinct. If people of old ate dodo burgers with their mead and crisps, the ill-fated bird would still be with us now (possibly.)


Maybe vegetarians would be happier if the animals we eat were killed by more natural causes. Maybe therefore we should allow them to ride motorcycles, perform their own electrical wiring or drink. This would surely increase the number of accidental deaths among animals, enough for us to eat and therefore no unnatural killing would be needed. There could be a special 'meat ambulance' which would look exactly the same as a normal ambulance from the outside but inside, it would appear more like a butchers. It's just an idea, it's not like I'm going to write to the Agricultural Minister or anything.


Vegetables are necessary in our diet for good health, they can help us to see in the dark and develop hairs on our chest. With all the genetic modification going on at the moment I don't see why they can't make vegetables taste like meat, then they would be a pleasure to eat. For instance sprouts that taste of chicken hearts, shredded cabbage that tastes like flaps of lambskin and asparagus that tastes like skinny turkey legs. Come on scientists, I want to eat a healthy bacon sandwich!

What is this site that I am looking at with my eyes?...

COMOOM.COM is generated and maintained with the aid of a great and unique bunch of people. A team of 37 currently make up the COMOOX.COM staff which has grown from the two founders, Matt and Rich, to a team of fully paid comedy writers, accountants, office managers, cleaners, gym assistants and secretaries (of which there are nine).


Since 1999 and its flotation on the LSE at a single share price of 3p, COMOOX.COM has shown rapid growth in every sector. Today the COMOOX.COM share price stands 67.23GBP and has made its founders Matt and Rich multi-millionaires. COMOOX.COM represents business in all key areas of industry from cloth to gold to oil to chocolate to books to cars to spaceships - COMOOX.COM has it covered.


Let me remind you - we are all in safe hands.


Yours for now,


Lana Pruttem (Vice-President of COMOOX.COM)